Saturday luckyday

So today I have rough day at work. Three different shifts ahead. First at Villa Hakkari doing some office stuff, after this I go to Bistro Le Pot as server, and night I will spend in Fat Lady as a bartender. This is going to be fun day, and also I think I will need all the coffee I can get.
It is funny, how 5 years ago this kind of work amount would have just went so easily by, but now... It is going to be battle to go thru.

But next week I go to school, see my friends at Helsinki, and most importantly: have time for myself.

To some action

So this is where I start, And the end is unknown, but I feel good. I am determined to get my goal by the end of may.

Wish me luck And push me forward!

Stop asking

I have been just dragging my self in past and all the nagative things. Now it is just time to go forward. I have tried everything that I can, to make things right, or even better, but it wont work. I think I am going to freak, if even one comes to tell me, that everything is going to be better. How can she / he know? No-one even has really time to listen what is going on, or then understand how it is affecting me. So that is why, I can say, that it is not going to be ok. When someone shatters your heart, you can´t fix it alone.
I just don't want anyone to come telling me what should I do, and what should I feel. I just want someone to unredstand and just be there.

Day One

So today I will officially start writing again. Or even try to do that.
Who am I?
I am 28 years old bartender / floor manager from Tampere, or that is the place where I live right now. I have been moving around my whole adult life, so I don´t really know where I am from anymore.
In any case, most of my time I am working, I don't really have any hobbies, but that is something I am going to change now. I have always been interrested of sports and had so many different sport hobbies. This past 6 months just have been so crazy in all ways, that I have kind of lost myself and everythig that ment something to me. My helth has been so bad, I have had big problems with my economy and after all that stress and worrying I lost my love.
So now I kind of have nothing, but in the end I have everything. Even though it hurts like hell, and everything has fall down, I have clean canvas, and I can do what the hell I want to do now. Just focus my work, get a new hobby and  what ever.... I don't even know yet.
I just learned the most important thing by far. That even though the person that means everything to me, does not appreciate me at all, it does not mean that I should not appreciate me myself.

And by that said, now I am going to start to live for myself.
I don't need anyone else to do that for me.

Time to start again

Now it is time to start everything all over again.

Today I am going to watch some football and scream BARCA!

Tomorrow somethig serious then.